Because of You
by Maddie Lawliet
Summary: Two fics, same song, different parts. Sasuke centric, Kakashi centric.
1. Uchiha Sasuke

Because of you

I try my hardest

Just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let

Anyone else in

Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life

Because it's empty

Look. There is Uchiha Sasuke.

He walks down the street with his head down, the smallest physical evidence of carrying the heaviest weight in the world on his shoulders alone, because he knows nobody else should have to go through the hell he has. Strong, yes. Brave, sometimes. Mature? Not at all. But none of his group of admirers would ever admit that the fact he ignores them and refuses to just tell them he doesn't care is a sign of immaturity. None of them would admit that they think that calling Naruto 'dead-last' is a sign of immaturity because he knows that Naruto has the potential to surpass him eventually. Nobody would admit that because Naruto's eventual progress didn't matter at all. What mattered was Sasuke and his perfect voice and the way he was so silent and his looks and his hair and how he was so mature, even though they all knew it was a lie. Especially Sakura and Ino and god knows why they fight over scum like that who isn't moving forward at all, was a genius but is mad as hell now that he's being surpassed by such a 'dead-last' and he can see it happening. Nobody acknowledges when Rock Lee beat him in a fair fight because Rock Lee doesn't matter. Sasuke matters. No one acknowledges when he was laying unconscious in the Forest of Death and Sakura had to fight to save him until he woke up and Sakura wished he had stayed down because someone was sure to have come and she wouldn't have to see what he did to that one boy which made him wear a cast for weeks and she wouldn't have to have nightmares about curse marks slowly progressing across his face, taking him over and erasing what he was. No, they couldn't focus on that because he was Uchiha Sasuke and there were too many great things about him to focus on this one minor flaw.

Because everyone must feel so sorry for the boy who was put through hell again and again whenever he walked home and saw the blood staining the streets, the houses, and his home and he remembers the night when his whole life began spiraling downward and he tries to be strong when he looks at the deep red but sometimes, dammit, he can't take it and he cries because he knows he'll never have a chance against his brother who was such a prodigy and the pride of Uchiha's and everyone's hope for the future. They had never none he would take their future away, even that of the one boy who survived because if he had died with them it would be so much better because he wouldn't have to be chasing around his brother and wondering if he really would have to kill his best friend and he wouldn't have spent weeks in a hospitals with a broken wrist and a borken mind because of the Mangekyo which he would need to have someday, he knew, and it was almost a relief when he looked Naruto in the face after his Chidori met the Rasengan and realized he could never do that and that he wasn't going to be his brother and everyone in the village would still hate him, dammit, but he would not kill Naruto under any costs. Not his best friend, not what made Sakura amused for a couple seconds until she punched him for whatever reason she had and the one who had beat Neji, also a genius, for some bizarre reason nobody understood yet and who Rock Lee believed in and who Kakashi actually cared about despite how he acted indifferent and who Tsunade had be willing to die for. He couldn't kill his fucking best friend, so he left and vowed never to gain power that way and knew everyone in the village would hate him and knew Kakashi was right and revenge wouldn't help but it was all he had now, a image in his mind of his brother and the idea of how sweet it would be when he was laying dead at his feet. He ignored the whispers inside him begging him to stay and clutch at the remains of happiness because Sakura and Naruto and Kakashi and rock Lee and everyone could eventually make him almost whole—never truly, he knew but almost—and he wouldn't feel even more pain when he had killed Itachi because then what would there be to live for? Nothing, and he would become Orochimaru's body and that would be the end of Uchiha Sasuke but he didn't care because it would be so sweet(it wouldn't, screams the voice) when Itachi was gone(no, screams the voice) and he would be happy and he could go back to Konoha and Sakura would care about him again, it would be another incident like when he broke that boys arms, never to be spoken of again.(it's not true, screams the voice) Tsunade would hate him at first but soon enough she would come to trust in him and accept him and understand his reasons(never, screams the voice) and everyone would always remember him as the saviour of the Uchiha clan, who risked his life to avenge his family(they'll remember you as a spoiled traitor who was willing to give everything up for power, screams the voice) But the voice doesn't matter. What does is the feeling he'll get when he sees his brother dying and he was the one who killed him and it will be satisfying and then his life will be complete and Orochimaru will have him if he wants him and it won't matter, because Sasuke will die complete and happy and knowing he had served his purpose, which was actually selfish in itself because his family was dead and it's not like they would be happy or relieved or anything. His father would be angry and his mother would be disappointed, maybe even ashamed, but it wouldn't matter because that's what he wanted. And everyone agrees. All that matters is Uchiha Sasuke.


	2. Hatake Kakashi

_I cannot cry_

_Because I know_

_That's weakness_

_In your eyes_

_I'm forced to fake_

_A smile, a laugh_

_Everyday of my life_

Kakashi didn't want to have to deal with things like regret.

Regret that he couldn't have gotten better shinobi that he knew weren't doomed(and actually, none of them really were, but all of them were weak back then and how was he to know that) to failure and eath later on in life and that it didn't hurt to look at because someday he'd be going to their funeral like he had for all his comrades and that had hurt, badly, so he didn't want to have to deal with trying to make them stronger and not having it make a difference because Naruto and Sasuke and Sakura, they were doomed.

Sakura was smart, yes, but all she could really do was stand around and pray nothing could come near her because she wasn't good at fighting, only chakra control, so she couldn't be useful in a battle, before the years to come when Tsunade taught her all she knew.

Sasuke was too obsessed, too fixated on his foals to be able to actually progress and get closer to becoming a great shinobi and proving to his brother and his whole clan that he was strong enough to avenge them and he would do it, and so he was the one that left for Orochimaru instead of actually trying to grow and get stronger. No, when Naruto started surpassing him, he immediately had to leave because Naruto was 'dead-last' and if Sasuke was worse then dead-last then what chance did he have of ever killing his brother?

And Naruto, Naruto was hated by everyone in the village because of the nine-tailed fox, but when he needed it the most it rarely came out. When Haku had thrown those needles at him he was damn lucky Sasuke moved to block them and god knows why he did because he had something to live for, but Naruto was damn lucky because the demon fox didn't seem to be showing up then, did it? No, only after he was holding his best friend in his arms and thinking he was dead did it make it's entrance, but by then it was too late because Naruto couldn't kill Haku anyways and it was Kakashi who ended up taking his life and it was an accident, damn it, but Haku was happy and Zabuza was fine dying with him and it didn't matter that Kakashi feels sick to his stomach when he thinks about the time he killed a child, because, hey, mission complete, and all his students were still alive and nobody cared about some boy they never met and how he was a prodigy and could have been a great shinobi if someone other then Zabuza had taken him in because he was the enemy and it was neccesary for him to die.

But it still hurt when he saw Sasuke run away to finish off Gaara because Kakashi had his doubts that he would come back because he had seen Shukaku coming out in that barrier of sand and when he saw Naruto going and Sakura, too, he knew that none of them would come back. But they did, and Kakashi heard it was Naruto who saved Sakura, not Sasuke, and he was amazed and a little proud that one of his students could beat a boy with a demon inside him until Kakashi realized Naruto was a demon, too, and then he wasn't as excited and still wondered when Naruto would die.

He wondered when most of all when Sasuke left and Sakura got knocked out, not killed, thank God, but knocked out even though it would have been so much easier to have her killed so she wouldn't have been able to tell Tsunade what had happened and it would have been too late by the time they figured out Sasuke was gone, but then of course Naruto and him wouldn't have been in the Valley of the End and Naruto wouldn't have almost died and that makes Kakashi wonder when Naruto will die, too, because he knows it'll have to be sometime and he thinks it might be before Kakashi dies because Naruto, who was the demon fox, was beaten so easily by Sasuke, and of course he didn't know about how Sasuke got to the second level of the curse mark, but still, he wonders when Naruto's life will end, and when Sakura's will as well.

Because it has to be sometime because Sakura just isn't experienced enough to survive on her own and in the Chuunin exams it was a miracle she got someone easy like Ino because anybody else, even Naruto or Hinata or Kiba, would have finished her off in a snap even if Sakura had good chakra control, because that wouldn't matter if Hinata was blocking off her chakra, then Sakura would have nothing except her average taijutsu and Hinata would be done with her in a flash because Sakura wouldn't be fast enough, not even close. And if she had gotten Gaara… Kakashi didn't like to think about how she'd be dead in about ten seconds.

And so Kakashi smiles at them and laughs at their stupid antics to show them that he doesn't care they're always going to be horrible shinobi, even though they aren't, but he doesn't know that, and so he smiles and laughs and makes them angry by showing up late and the only way he shows them how weak they are is by reading his book when they're sparring as if to say 'Look how easily I can defeat you, even while I'm focusing on something else. Maybe you should train more and then I'll give you a fair match.' And they do train, Naruto and Sasuke, but never Sakura because she's washing her hair or out with Ino or giggling over Sasuke's hair and being a shinobi isn't as important as being on Sasuke's team and being closer to Sasuke and beating Ino at being Sasuke's favorite but Sakura knows, even if Ino doesn't, that all she's doing is annoying him but she's being selfish and staying closer to him and not letting him leave and threatening to scream but he really doesn't care and he leaves anyway because she's a burden on the team, unecessary and unhelpful and they all know it except Naruto who is blinded by how pretty she is and wouldn't care if she sat on the ground and slept when him and Sasuke were fighting which she might as well do because she isn't helping anyway but she knows Sasuke would hate her even more if she did so she pretends to be doing something as she stands there and holds a kunai and tries not to show how scared she is and Kakashi is disappointed and Sasuke is resentful and Naruto is blind.

So he smiles because it's all he can do and deep down he wonders, maybe even hopes, if they know they're never going to be great and Sasuke will never kill his brother and Naruto will never be Hokage and Sakura will never make Sasuke care about her, but until that day he reads his book and smiles and laughs and shows up late and pretends he doesn't care about them.


End file.
